There’s only one job tougher than selecting the actual British and Irish Lions team. And that’s picking your own British and Irish Lions team and publishing it on social media. It many ways it’s worse, as you don’t get the perks of Andy Farrell.

You don’t get the salary, the car, the expense account, any of the praise should you win the series – or any of that glorious kit stash. As a columnist, all you get for selecting your potential Lions’ squad get is a digital witch trial. So, without further ado, let’s spark up the dry kindling and get burning.

But before we fly into the starting fifteen with ill-conceived Trumpian gusto, let’s discuss the brief for the Lions as a whole. Coaching the Lions is like no other job role in rugby. The assumption is that because you’re given the chance to select from all four of the home unions, that the player quality available to you makes the job easier than, say, that of a typical test team coach. But that isn’t the case at all.

Whilst the sifting of the four squads leaves nothing but pure flecks of gold, turning that gold into one solid, cohesive lump is difficult. In a normal test environment, we often talk about the importance of building combinations, especially in the front row, backrow and nine/ ten etc. But with the Lions, there are literally no existing combinations. In many ways it’s even worse than not having any combinations at all.

Not having any combinations is a ‘neutral’ scenario, whereas in reality the Lions’ coach is dealing with potential ‘negative’ combinations. In that players not only don’t have any positive relationships, but in some cases negative interactions due to their existing rivalries at test level.

Then there’s the time frame. Most test coaches have months, seasons, and full Rugby World Cup cycles to meld their teams. The Lions’ coaches have weeks. This is very much sling it in the air fryer as apposed to the low and slow of the wood fired smoker. All of which is complicated further by the fact that many of the players, the Irish guys excluded, will have been playing under completely different attacking and defensive systems.

The opposition

Australia’s Rob Valetini, Hunter Paisami and Len Ikitau look dejected following the Rugby Championship match between Australia and South Africa. (Photo by Patrick HAMILTON / AFP)

The final part of the Lions’ brief is of course the opposition.

In this instance the Wallabies. Playing the current Wallabies is both a blessing and a curse. The Lions will be facing a Wallabies’ squad who are ranked at an unsettlingly low position amongst the world’s elite teams. But are coached by a very shrewd Joe Schmidt – who has very little to lose and everything to gain.

It had been difficult to gauge the initial progress of Schmidt’s Wallabies against Wales, as both are at the beginning of rebuilds worthy of a spot on Homes Under The Hammer. But as of this weekend, we’ve seen the Wallabies face the Boks – and now the picture is far clearer.

Against the Boks, in the first test in Brisbane, the Wallabies were seriously overwhelmed at the scrum. And not just on one side of the scrum, but both. It is quite common when facing the Boks to struggle against either the tighthead, or the loosehead, but to see waves of power coming through the middle will have alarmed Schmidt. The resulting scrum pens for the Boks made victory at test level almost a given.

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The Wallabies’ lineout functioned well against the Boks, with just two lost from 18. But the reality is that a functioning lineout can’t mask a failing scrum and that is an area that the Lions’ coaches will undoubtedly target. In Rob Valetini, Harry Wilson and Lukhan Salakaia-Loto, the Wallabies have effective carriers. Valetini in particular has developed into a devastating backrow forward and he is arguably the most improved player in tier one test rugby over the past three seasons. The gainline responsibility doesn’t just rest with Valetini though. At just 5ft 9inches tall and barely 14 and a half stone, Hunter Paisami hits like a lump of Osmium.

Against the Boks in Brisbane, he made the most metres in the starting lineup – with 31. It’s very rare to see a 12 nearly out carry their entire back three, especially when you consider the cheap kick return yards that many back three players benefit from – plus Paisami was largely running into Damien de Allende and the hugely impressive Jesse Kriel.

But as we all know, Joe Schmidt still has 12 months to shape this Wallaby squad and shape it he will. He’s one of the best coaches in the world, and his game plans are usually simple to understand and execute– which is why he is so effective.

But as much as this columnist would love to keep delaying his Lions first XV, the shot clock is at 5 seconds, so here goes.

Paul Williams’ British & Irish Lions XV to play Australia

The Forwards

Tighthead remains the most important position in rugby, if you don’t agree just look at the Springboks and the way they use that position to dominate. It is with this in mind that Tadhg Furlong starts. Social media would have you believe that Furlong has had a quiet 12 months. But that is largely due to the opposition that he has been facing. You try play the Boks three times in six months, and see how you get on. He is still the best scrummaging tighthead in the four home nations and whilst Zander Fergurson has been playing well, Furlong will take some shifting in every regard.

Tadhg Furlong of British and Irish Lions takes on Siya Kolisi of South Africa (Photo By Ashley Vlotman/Sportsfile via Getty Images)

At hooker we have Dan Sheehan. The most mobile, accurate, scrummaging hooker in all of the four home nations. There are a series of quality hookers waiting beneath, Sheehan. But with a prevailing wind, the number two shirt will be his.

At loosehead we have Andrew Porter, who sneaks ahead of Ellis Genge purely based on the fact that everyone seems to think he’s scrummaging illegally even when no ref in the world agrees – which presents a significant psychological advantage. Porter is one of the strongest looseheads to ever play the game and has a chest, and a set of shoulders, that you build a small block of flats upon. Few props can cope with Porter and that’s why he gets the nod.

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At lock we have Joe McCarthy and George Martin. In McCarthy, the Lions’ coaches have access to a lock with South African dimensions. At 6ft 6inches tall, the best part of 20 stone, and same fat level as Ryvita, McCarthy is potentially a generational talent. At 23 years of age, he is already dominating in a position where many don’t acquire the required mass and work rate until well into their late 20s.

In George Martin, they have England’s version of McCarthy. He’s the same age, the same size and similarly defies the conventional wisdom of locks not being ready for rugby until their late twenties. If the Lions want to dominate at the scrum, clean-out and carry they’ll need more than just size in ‘the row’, they’ll also need two locks with a bit of shine – in Martin and McCarthy, the Lions have access to two marble work surfaces.

The back-row is where things always get tricky. Most tier one test teams have excellent back-rows and as a result the depth of players available to the Lions is massive. In the men’s game there are stacks of players who are 6ft 1 inches to 6ft 3 inches tall, athletic, fearless and will run all day long. It is for this reason that the back-row selections create debate like no other.

Caelan Doris of Ireland during the second test between South Africa and Ireland (Photo By Brendan Moran/Sportsfile via Getty Images)

Let’s start with number eight. A position which has in recent years been diluted into a role that can be played by anyone in the back-row, but one where a special carrier is still vital in the view of this column. In that regard, Caelan Doris gets the nod. The freakish ball carrying of Ben Earl is of course not without its charms, but at 6ft tall, he’s giving away three valuable inches to Doris who is a fantastic line-out option. Special shout out the Aaron Wainwright also.

At seven, the options are seemingly limitless with at least five players who could all deliver at the same level. Sam Underhill, Josh Van de Flier, Tom Curry, Rory Darge and Jac Morgan are all fine players. And whilst of course the role of many sevens isn’t to carry the ball, this is an area where Jac Morgan gets the nod ahead of the rest. His work over the ball is faultless, but he also carries into contact like few others. Morgan requires a double hit as a minimum, not an optional extra.

At six we have Tadhg Beirne. As a six/ lock hybrid his skillset is unparalleled amongst the home nations. He may not have the highest carrying numbers, the highest tackle counts, or the longest highlight reel on YouTube, but he delivers magic game changing moments like no-one else – he’s the David Blaine of lock six hybrids.

The Backs

At nine we have one of our easier decisions, in Jamison Gibson-Park. He has the most complete skillset of any of the contenders at scrumhalf. In a modern game where coaches rightly obsess over kick retention, Gibson-Park delivers an accurate kicking game at the expense of nothing else. Some scrum-halves have the box kick, some have the fend and inside break, some have the outside break, some have the pass. Gibson-Park has it all. Other than Dupont, he’s the best nine in the world.

Ten is the position that always creates the biggest stir, when it shouldn’t. Many supporters are still looking for the 1970’s line break ten, when in reality the claustrophobic channel in which they operate makes that almost impossible to achieve – although Sacha Feinberg-Mngomezulu may have something to say about that over the next few seasons.

This Lions’ cycle is quite unusual in this regard in that half-ish of the tens available fall into the creative side of the role. Both Finn Russell and Marcus Smith are largely regarded as creators rather than controllers. Whereas Owen Farrell and Jack Crowley fall into the controller category. But with the likelihood of the Lions having a dominant scrum, and gainline on-tap, it would be remiss not to select one of the more creative options. Marcus Smith, you’re in.

Marcus Smith during the International Test Match between New Zealand All Blacks and England (Photo by MB Media/Getty Images)

At 12 is another one of the more obvious choices, although it may not seem that way if you’re Irish. Sione Tuipulotu is the 12. He is a genuine triple threat 12 (run, pass, kick) which is rare. There are many good carrying twelves, passing twelves and kicking twelves – but very few do it all. Tuipulotu does. He’s Bundee Aki, but kitted out with a load of aftermarket parts.

At 13, the Lions face a selection that is reasonably shallow in terms of depth. 13 is one of those positions that many play, but few master and as a result many Lions coaches often find themselves selecting 12’s in that position. 13 still remains the most difficult position to defend in the backline, especially with the increased influence of distributing fullbacks like Willie Le Roux etc. Robbie Henshaw is the man for that role. His defensive reading remains first class and also has the mass should a heavy carry be required.

Fullback is another of the easier choices. Blair Kinghorn has had a fine season for Scotland and Toulouse. George Furbank brings both the patterns/angles and moustache of a WW2 fighter pilot. But none are Hugo Keenan. In four seasons of watching Hugo Keenan play rugby he’s never out of position. He is human GPS. If you’re ever worried about losing your dog or cat, simply attach it to Hugo Keenan and you’ll know where both are every single minute of the day. Plus, in the air he glides like a small, pale condor.

Duhan Van Der Merwe of Scotland looks on during the Rugby World Cup France 2023 match between Ireland and Scotland (Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)

On the left wing, we obviously have Duhan Van de Merwe. His selection is unquestionable. Some criticise him for going missing for periods over the full 80 minutes. But that perceived dilution of impact is amplified by the fact that when he is involved, it’s nuclear. Missing the odd tackle and spilling the odd high ball is a small price to pay when you can turn other men into processed meat.

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Then finally we have the right wing. And a position where we’re selecting a relatively new player on the international scene – Immanuel Feyi-Waboso. Every Lions’ team needs a player who accelerates like a remapped super bike, and he’s that player. As the Boks have proven in the last few seasons, with their selections on the wings, kicking chasing is one thing, but a wings’ primary role to cause chaos on the edges. There are plenty of defensive wings who could offer solidity under the high ball, and run up and down the touchline ‘escorting’, but Feyi-Waboso is one of those players who makes defensive coaches panic.

Before you all embark on a journey to Cardiff, to set fire to my possessions, remember one thing. The Lions is a magnificent spectacle and a true gem in the rugby calendar. Most tours are dominated by the lead nation in that cycle, and it has always been that way.

There have been squads where England have dominated, Wales etc. This time round it’s Ireland’s turn – and they deserve it. They are the best team of the home nations by some distance, and have proven that over multiple seasons.

I can’t wait for the tour to start. Please don’t burn my house down.

Cheers, Paul

Let us know who makes your Lions XV. Contact us on social media or email rugbyworldletters@futurenet.com

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